How to offend people and how to cure the common cold.

First, let's offend people.  I need to get these off my chest.

If it's in the grocery store it's probably an aisle not an isle.  Unless you're getting your Wheaties on the set of "Water World." 

Why do people use a picture of a baby or kid as their profile picture on Facebook? Chances are that tiny being isn't an accurate representation of you. (Having an ultrasound instead is the worst. There has to be a better way to announce a pregnancy.) 

Also, pretending that picture of you fifty pounds ago is current.  We're not buying that.  (Mine is twinty-five* pounds ago.  I should update that.)

Interests aren't peeked they are piqued.

Word verification and comment moderation enabled on private blogs. If you mistrust your readers that much should they even have access? (I think either of those is too much on a private blog.)

Just because you got a DSLR for Christmas doesn't mean you're a  photographer.  You're probably a fauxtographer.  If you can answer yes to two or more of these you might be a fauxtographer.

• Do you take pictures on the diagonal?
• Are train tracks frequently used as backdrops in your photos?
• Do you use Photoshop sans training and like your life depends on it?
• Is there excessive vignette in any of your photos?
• Do you use selective coloring and/or textures willy nilly?

And now to cure (curb, really) the common cold.

Going by the rule that it takes about three days for a sickness to successfully overcome your immune system I figure I picked up my cold on Sunday.  Which makes sense as that's the only day I've left my house lately. Whomp.

Here's how we stop a significant percentage of colds being passed around.  Make it possible for colds to be tracked.  Like I could some how tell who I got mine from.  (I'm not sure how this would happen.  It's not like the virus is going to send me a business card or turn me the same color as its previous host.  Just roll with the idea.)  Each time I wake up in the night, I call the person I got the cold from and let them know I'm up again.  If it was from a kid I call their parents.  How many more parents would be so careful to have their kids cover their mouth when they sneeze or cough?  I bet more grownups would be more aware as well.




I have more offense to dole out over the next few weeks.  Comment and let me know what irks you.  Especially if I do it.  (Over use of parenthesis is a fairly obvious one.)





*Yes, twinty.


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