Wow, Indeed.

Saw this ad while browsing online:

 It's true. If you put your bridesmaids in these dresses, people will definitely be saying wow, but not for the reasons you want them to!

"Wow. The 70's called; they want their curtains back."

What would YOU say after wow?

It's not you, nor me. It's you and Mary Kay

On Facebook I like when my friends announce they have started a new business.  It is a good reminder to unfollow them.

What if they sold used cars? (Ready to paint.) Or kids? (Ready to raise.)

The weekend before Easter I was perusing the printed Target ad.  (I am old and so get the newspaper delivered.)  I ran across this gem.

Notice the eggs are a really good deal.  Gotta love a good sale.

However, it was the selling points listed that really made me want to run to Target asap. 

These eggs are ready to cook and dye!!  What?  Upon seeing this I ran to the fridge to check my Costco eggs.  There was no such guarantee listed on that 1.5 dozen.  Naturally I threw them away.  Who wants eggs that are ready to neither cook nor dye? 

Thanks, Target, for prepping your eggs.  It makes a difference.


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I drew something. All by myself.

Candice and I have been playing DrawSomething.  She's really good.  I am ... less so.  But I am proud of this drawing I made some time last week.

Enjoy.

Never gonna give you up. Ever. No matter how hard I try.

I got Rick Rolled today.  I watched the entire video.  I dare you to try to turn it off.  But watching Rick's moves makes me feel better about my total lack of dancing ability. 

For this confidence booster and so many great songs, I thank you, Rick Astley.

Anyone know where he is nowadays?

What are you trying to say? II

I watch a five-year-old in the mornings.  She's darling and looks so much like Dora the Explorer.  (She does not speak Spanish.  Nor does her back pack talk.)

Nearly every morning she asks me, "Did you sleep in your clothes?"

"Um ... no?"  I answer like it's a question because I automatically wonder do I look like I did?  Typically after this I try to smooth down my hair.  We both know I'm not fooling anyone.

What are you trying to say?

 

Use before, during, and after? Isn't that like... all the time?

Are you calling me a liar?

Last month a representative from the FBI or something like that came to my house to do a background check on my neighbor.  At the beginning of the interview Mr Agent asked me some basic, identifier questions.


What is your name?
How long have you lived here?
What is your quest?
(He didn't ask about a quest.)
What is your occupation?
May we contact you about this interview in the future?
Blah, blah, blah.

I learned that when you tell the FBI your occupation is "being awesome" they will look at you, pause, and ask, "So ... housewife?"

I should have stuck to my description.  I like it much more.

Life in the modren times (sic)

Last night I was writing in my journal.  I'm old school and write in a real journal, I don't use my blog as my journal.  I wasn't sure if I'd spelled a word correctly but felt I must have because there wasn't a red squiggle line under it.

This means I spend too much time on a computer and/or I don't get enough sleep.

Scentsy should get on this.

When I got home last night from running errands my husband met me at the door. 

"It smells funny in here," I commented. 

"Oh, I've been telling jokes," he replied, not missing a beat.

Now that's comedy.

How to offend people and how to cure the common cold.

First, let's offend people.  I need to get these off my chest.

If it's in the grocery store it's probably an aisle not an isle.  Unless you're getting your Wheaties on the set of "Water World." 

Why do people use a picture of a baby or kid as their profile picture on Facebook? Chances are that tiny being isn't an accurate representation of you. (Having an ultrasound instead is the worst. There has to be a better way to announce a pregnancy.) 

Also, pretending that picture of you fifty pounds ago is current.  We're not buying that.  (Mine is twinty-five* pounds ago.  I should update that.)

Interests aren't peeked they are piqued.

Word verification and comment moderation enabled on private blogs. If you mistrust your readers that much should they even have access? (I think either of those is too much on a private blog.)

Just because you got a DSLR for Christmas doesn't mean you're a  photographer.  You're probably a fauxtographer.  If you can answer yes to two or more of these you might be a fauxtographer.

• Do you take pictures on the diagonal?
• Are train tracks frequently used as backdrops in your photos?
• Do you use Photoshop sans training and like your life depends on it?
• Is there excessive vignette in any of your photos?
• Do you use selective coloring and/or textures willy nilly?

And now to cure (curb, really) the common cold.

Going by the rule that it takes about three days for a sickness to successfully overcome your immune system I figure I picked up my cold on Sunday.  Which makes sense as that's the only day I've left my house lately. Whomp.

Here's how we stop a significant percentage of colds being passed around.  Make it possible for colds to be tracked.  Like I could some how tell who I got mine from.  (I'm not sure how this would happen.  It's not like the virus is going to send me a business card or turn me the same color as its previous host.  Just roll with the idea.)  Each time I wake up in the night, I call the person I got the cold from and let them know I'm up again.  If it was from a kid I call their parents.  How many more parents would be so careful to have their kids cover their mouth when they sneeze or cough?  I bet more grownups would be more aware as well.




I have more offense to dole out over the next few weeks.  Comment and let me know what irks you.  Especially if I do it.  (Over use of parenthesis is a fairly obvious one.)





*Yes, twinty.


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Nothing Like a Good Yeast Glaze...

Penny Pinching

Saw this in the store today...

What a bargain!!


P.S. I totally bought it.

My Subconscious is Hilarous

The other night, I dreamt that a friend was really sick, so a group of us were doing service for him. We met for breakfast and were passing out packages that looked like this:

Naturally though, since it was breakfast, there were little bite-sized strudels inside (instead of noodles). 

Only after I woke up, did I realize they were "Cup 'O' Strudels". 

HA!!!

I should totally market this, don't you think?

From the classifieds -- putting a price on useless

How does one put a price on useless?  This guy has it at three hundred dollars.  Sadly no picture was included in the ad. 

$300.00

Useless Stroller

orem, UT 84047 | Apr 23, 2012

This was out in the yard all winter long and the dog got a hold of it too.

Seller Contact Info

Jesus
Home 801-555-1242

Have you ever ...

... made several servings of something (a large bag of microwave popcorn, a salad kit from Costco, several portions of General Tso's chicken, etc) and eaten all but one bite?  The miniscule leftovers aren't because you were "out of room" (let's be honest, that level was reached several hundred calories ago) but because then you can know you didn't eat all of it, just most.

I did this yesterday.  It was the chicken.  I waited too long to have lunch.  By the time it was ready I was ravenous.  Low blood sugar, making me woozy kind of hungry.  And so, over the course of half an hour, I ate my way through a week's worth of lipids.  This is not an easy task.  Nor do I recommend it. 

Plowing my way through so much food made me sleepy.  It takes a lot of energy to digest those fats.  And so I took a nice hour and a half nap.  But not before I proudly put my leftover* in the fridge.

















































*Yes, the singular is correct.  One piece of chicken.

Right on schedule.

I just, moments ago, found out what it means to be Rickrolled. 

Sure, it came about in 2008 but it's only 2012.  I have been even later to the meme party before.

I'm counting this as a win.

Q: What does one do when the grandeur is gone?

A: Simple.  Just re-grand.

The fine print:
Monday-Thursday
Exterior only
No vacuum


So ... it's safe to say this deal doesn't suck.

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Only my shorts are longer. And my yellow windbreaker ... no, that's the same.

Arrrrg.

Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day! Some phrases to work in to your conversations today:

• Pieces of eight
• ahoy there
• arg
• 'twas a fine day at sea today
• avast ye scurvy dogs
• aye
• steady as she goes
• well me hearties
• I go aloft, captain
• your cutlass be sharper than your mind, bilge rat

I'm off to teach Phoebe to say "arrrrgh, matey."





These phrases all from Veggie Tales.