Does this make me a bad person?

Sometimes when I can't sleep I have a few blogs I check out. Some are written to make people laugh, some I laugh because they're cloying, and the rest I check so I can laugh at their ugly kids. Yes, seeing people proudly post pics of their ugly kids makes me laugh.

My name is Jessie and I'm a mean person.





















*Don't worry, it's not your kid I laugh at.

Professional "Fauxtographers"

Ok, in the same vein as Jessie's previous blog 'Turn, Turn, Turn', THIS. HAS GOT. TO. STOP.

What's with the creepy wedding / engagement photos I've seen recently? It's like photographers everywhere are taking ideas from Awkward Family Photos or something.

I submit for your review Exhibits A, B, and C.

EXHIBIT A

Why is the photographer taking pictures of their bums? Why do they think anyone wants to see that? Is the bride or groom a gold-digger? A pick-pocket? Exactly what is going on here, anyway?? ... No, you know what? I don't want to know!

EXHIBIT B

This one? This one is just creepy. It's a beautiful day, beautiful church, beautiful couple... Or is that FIVE beautiful couples?? How embarrassing that they all chose the same dress, the same wedding day, the same church...! Or rather, how embarrassing that the photographer thought, surely more is always better!! So I'll just use my magic wand Photoshop to make more of them! What a great idea!

EXHIBIT C

Again, with the awkward groping! It's a good thing these two are engaged -- because it looks like she's ... uh, \ leaning. Good thing their poses aren't reversed! Though either way it looks like evidence of harrassment. I imagine him thinking -- "This isn't really happening... Just go to my happy place..."

In light of the submitted evidence, I propose we move for these photographers be ordered to cease and disist these abhorrent practices. Anyone second the motion? All in favor?

My new fridge

So, about two months ago, my boss had an idea. I will not debate here whether I think it's a good idea or a bad idea. As part of this, however, I was moved to the other side of our building, away from the office I am manager of, and all of its... um, amenities.

Ok, let's face it. I work in an agricultural and manufacturing community. The 'amenities' I speak of are a carpeted office, a microwave, and a mini-fridge. But when you bring your lunch from home, at least two of those are very important in the day-t0-day grind!

My new office --*cough*-- warehouse gives me my own bathroom (thank goodness I don't have to share with 5 guys any more!), but I was left with neither a microwave nor a mini-fridge. My boss was wise enough to pick up on my not so gentle hints that I was not happy with the move, so he got me a microwave! Yay!

However, usually the food that needs microwaving, also needs refridgerating. So I still had to walk around - yes, AROUND - our building to the other office for my lunch. This was fine, though inconvenient, a couple of months ago. Now that our temperatures are forecast in the single-digits, this is NOT fine. Thankfully though, with temperatures well below 40 F, I've finally got myself a new fridge.

From the Happenings Book

Don't they know you don't need a coupon for that??

A Good Day for Shopping

I know - it's been AGES since we've browsed through the classifieds! Seems like a good day for it. Let's check them out:


Stroller: very clean,extremely light weight,easy for one person to open and close. $30.00 obo
If you think you're that "one person" please call!

5-pc Espresso Dining set. 36x48" table & 4 chairs, $60. Nice condition. Shown often in the Shopko add.
You had me till "Shopko."

Queen bedspread, good condition (blue, gray, silver, mauve) w matching lined drapes (160w x 84 l), valance and shower curtain $75
Because some bathrooms have sleeping quarters.

Wedding and Event planning and decorating services. No event too big or small. We set up and tear down.
Better than setting down and tearing up, I guess.

Chicken Costume. Tags still ON. Original price $22.50 Selling for $12.00 2T/3T size Great for boy or girl. Comes from smoke-free home.
Pity, I could go for some smoked chicken right about now.

Now that's ... comedy.

My brother-in-law, Scott, married to Kimmie, is hilarious. Here is his most recent Halloween costume.

He's the drummer from Def Leppard. Of course.

I love my friends.

Today I did something I don't think I've ever done. I wrote on a facebook wall. Yep, it's Janalyn's birthday. Happy birthday, buddy!

This isn't a related pic, but I think it will make you smile. Wendy and I found the Tilamook Cheese tiny van at Brigham City's Peach Days and while Wendy was posing for a picture this guy wandered over and showed us his best side. He was there for several minutes. Good times.

Turn, turn, turn.

Most of you (my one reader) know I have a digital SLR camera. I love my camera. I take decent pictures with it. I don't know all the ins and outs but we get along just fine.

I have noticed there is a rash of moms who get a nice-ish camera and feel all professional. One of their biggest and most annoying sins is the falling kid pics. Their children are not, in fact, falling. Their fauxtographer* of a mother is all artsy and tilts the camera to an amazingly odd angle. See below for example.

Child standing.

Same child, only his mother got a camera for her birthday and is now a fauxtographer.

This has to stop. It's not ok. If you or anyone you know does this please tell them we're all cringing.

* Sound it out.

I'm Still Here

No, this is not a review of crazy Joaquin Phoenix's new flick.

Just letting you, our fan, know that the shrinking betties are still here. Not shrinking as much as we'd like, but still two "betties", that's for sure!

So... like you (I know you're like this because you're reading our blog), I was perusing random blogs and found what I am deeming

The Worst Kid Name Ideas of today

These are real names that "real" people gave to their kids. Either that, or for protection of their privacy, these are the aliases of real kids that parents are posting on their public blogs.

1. Avri
   (I'm assuming this is supposed to be Avery, though it just looks like Avril forgot the L.)
2. Logyn
   (The mother was inspired with this name while waiting for her ObGYN.)
3. Maddax
   (Let's keep the family united and make sure even Maddox's name can't be spelled right by anyone outside the family.)
4. Kamber
   (Now, see, this is clever because it's like Amber, but with a K. You could do the same with any other letter! Mamber, Bamber... Banana Fana Fo Famber...)
5. Teancum
   (I'm not going to make fun of this name. I cannot say the same for his peers... But I consider him a awesome Book of Mormon hero and an altogether amazing man! ... But how do you say it? Te-an-cum? Tean-cum? Better refer people to the Pronunciation Guide... Great idea on how to share the Book of Mormon!!)
6. Tillman
   (The boy was given this name because... A. His dad is a big football fan and reveres Pat Tillman., B. Someone in their family once had this as their surname... because that's what it is - a last name., or C. His occupation as a farmer was predestined. Till, man. You just can't fight that.)

Now, if any of these names happen to be your kids' names, or your own name -- I'm sorry. Did the parents not consider these kinds of things beforehand? Clearly, no. And for that, we will all be sorry.

Grood news.

This is my last Wednesday at work. While I'm sad to leave my kick-a job and amazing work group I'm pretty stoked about moving. Yipee!

And, as if I needed things to be more amazing, I finally get to see Jeramie. I haven't seen her in ages. She and hubby Nick are letting the Deetz clan stay with them overnight on our cross-country trip. Hooray for Jeramie! (Oh, and Nick.)

Sick and Tired

Those of you who know me, know I like to drive -- fast.

I know, I know. Life is about the journey, not the destination, right? Well, I think that since the "journey" (as they call it) is so short, we might as well get to as many destinations as we can while we're still here!

I've noticed, however, that when I'm really tired, or not feeling well, I tend to drive at exactly the speed limit. Or lower. Why? Well, I'm sure I don't know. But I've noticed that it is, indeed, a factual occurrence.

I used to live in the city. Not a big one, but one where everyone cruised down the freeway at at least 7 over the speed limit. Now I live in a town. (People in the valley call it a city, but let's face it. There's one Main Street where all the shops are. It's a town.)

I've decided that everyone in this town must be either sick, or tired. Why? Because besides being filled with inconvenient 4-way stops (see older post), it's also filled with insanely SLOW DRIVERS.

Being such a small town, there's not much of a chance to find a street over 35 mph. But there are a couple. A few in particular that I frequent. You can actually go 40. On one, even 45. And my favorite? You can go 55!! WooHOO!! ... That is, you can if there's no one else on the road.

For some reason, in this town, the few streets where you're actually allowed to cruise up to 45-50 mph, everyone in front of me is driving 30 mph. 30!! That's a sad 15 mph UNDER the speed limit. It. Drives. Me. Crazy.

They must be really tired. Or chronically ill. Anyone know any cures?

Be sure to ... drink your Ovaltine?!

A few weeks ago Coupons.com had a coupon for $2.00 off Ovaltine. I'd never tried it, but for $.88 (after coupon) and no sales tax on food it was worth a shot.

I love it! Delicious. If you have not tried it please do so.

I do suggest staying away from the malt-y variety. It was gross.

Questions? Observations? Complaints?

I just recently finished my first college class after a 10-year... um, sabbatical. Yes, that's it.
My professor would always begin class with three questions above. To which I would emphatically raise my hand and say, "Yes! I have a complaint!" Every. Day.

But only in my head. Surprisingly, the complaints didn't have anything to do with the class. At least not most of the time.

Anyway, I know most people don't want to read complaints on people's blogs. I also know most bloggers end up complaining about something, sometime. I may post some now and again. But hopefully you find these more funny than annoying.

First - Four-Way Stops
What a waste of time! And what a waste of gasoline (all this stopping and accelerating)! I live in the land of four-way stops. Seriously, because it's such a small town, every neighborhood intersection, and some main ones, seem to be four-way stops. Nevermind the fact that all the college students can't drive properly because they're texting, or all the old-timers can't drive because they're ... cautious. NO ONE knows how to handle these things! So we all end up waiting, start/stopping, waiting, start/stopping, and waiting because people just don't know who's turn it is. Most importantly, they don't know that I stopped first or I'm on their right, and it's my turn!!
Have you ever been to a European country? There's these lovely little inventions called ROUNDABOUTS. There's one here. In the north end of town on a street no one drives on. It's for the best, really, because only the well-traveled know how to do those too. But really, they're lovely! Here's how it works.
You approach an intersection (which may or may not consist of four roads coming together in a square), look for oncoming traffic, and if there's no one there, keep going! If there is someone coming, but you're way ahead of them in reaching the crossroads, you still keep going! If someone has reached it before you and is turning, you can still keep going! Even then! Traffic just keeps moving; no stops required!
If there does happen to be a car coming on your left then you wait until he glides past you, then go on your merry way. It's such a nice smooth traffic flow. If only we could have more of that here. /sigh/

My dream guy.

Jeremy just said the dreamiest thing.

"Is it ok if I do dishes now or would you like me to do them later?"

Is is possible for a man to say anything sexier?

The breakfast of ... runners-up.

Each morning I take my vitamins while I eat Pop Tarts.

The irony of this is not lost on me.

Take 5

Last month Jessie took a trip! A trip home!! Home being Utah. Naturally.

Lucky you -- you get to see at least one day of it in our "Take 5" project. We spent the whole day together... well, most of the day together. This is what we did:

10:05 - Gave blood at ARUP.
(Yes, our day starts at 10.) We went to the new shiny Sandy location! It was all very posh, and had very good snacks! (My favorite part!)
I was really nervous because I haven't given blood since returning from England. What if they wouldn't let me donate?! (I'm so sensitive about being rejected!) But when I finished, I discovered that Jessie was denied instead!! They needed proof that she hadn't given too recently and that everything was put back in correctly (she does platelets); never can tell about those do-gooders, giving of themselves without pay... They're not to be trusted, I guess!

11:05 - Shopping at SouthTowne!
Our old stomping grounds! Neither of us have the privilege of living near a proper mall, so we decided to take advantage. It was a little depressing to think that due to our lives' changes, that we can't just buy that cute pair of red shoes just because they're cute and we want them! Pooh.
But it was fun to peruse the many stores, try on things and make fun of others. Mall walking really works up an appetite. On to the next hour!



12:05 - Lunch at Morelia's!
This just happens to be one of Jessie's favorite restaurants. It also happens to be the week after her birthday, so since she and Morelia's were in the same town at the same time, party for Jessie! That must be why she looks so excited.
I, on the other hand, look nervous. Not because I'm hungry or there's 20 people watching us say "Cheese!". This is the look that I have every time a stranger is taking my picture. It's not that I'm worried about them stealing the camera. Or even breaking the camera. I'm worried that they won't push hard enough for the shutter to click or that they won't wait long enough for the red-eye light to blink. So I end up looking like I'm either in pain or very bored.
It's neither. I'm happy to be there. Really.








1:05 - All us girls having lunch - YUM!!
How would it be to have the same friends for half your life and then some? Awesome, I tell you! It's awesome. We LOVE our friends and were so happy to be with all of them. Well, all of them in the valley, minus cute MeLynn. (We're glad she got well soon.)











2:05 - Melissa hung out with us after lunch! I convinced them to watch "Music & Lyrics" with me. I know it's another cheesy chick flick -- it stars Hugh Grant, what else could it be? -- but it's actually a really funny one. Mostly because he plays an `80's rock star has-been and that's just hilarious. Plus he gets to use his great wit in this movie, but without all the crudeness of say... "About a Boy". Mostly it was just fun to be with each other in the Beardall's basement. So many good times have been had there!







3:05 - Melissa had to take off,
but Jessie and I are still watching the movie.


















4:05 - Ah the joys of being a grown up. What are we doing now that's so much grown-up fun?!? LAUNDRY... It's sad, really, when being able to do it in a fancy new washer that doesn't require coins to work is exciting.




















5:05 - Yep, still together after 7 hours! Still hanging out at the Beardall's! Still having a great time! But sadly, friends, this is our last stop. Also included in this picture are Jessie's husband and baby. We decided to give them some camera time since they WERE actually with us most of the afternoon. But just this one shot. We don't want anyone to forget everything is actually about us!! Ha ha.

Today... in the classifieds

Keep your clocks ticking-Clock repair done locally.Howard Miller serviceman-Call Ron
For when you don't want your clocks to tock.

NATURE'S OIL for sale: zit split/$5--used for acne.
Ew?

15.2H bay Arab geldg; dressage scores upper 60s/low 70s and high % award. Over fences, trail rides, willing, trusting. More info: plahmerm@email.net $250
Does the celery stalk at midnight? Is this even English?

Want a cheap love seat in fairly good condition. Looking for daughter who has small living room.
WTB: chair and daughter with cramped quarters.

Magic chef microwave oven works great $5
As sold by the Amazing Rando!

Random Thoughts for Thursday

Isn't it annoying when one uses their blog to voice whatever thoughts come into one's head? Most of the time it ends up being boring, more than we wanted to know, or just really whiny.

I mean, really, I understand that "blog" comes from 'web-log' = an online form of journaling... but really, I don't think people really should read what I put in my journal. It's really boring.

All that said, I'm going against myself to share a few thoughts that I wouldn't actually take time to put in my journal... I apologize in advance.

--Upon reading about Jesse James' apologizing for his infidelity to Sandra Bullock, I'm thinking, "Why do they think public confessions make it better? If my laundry's dirty, I'd prefer washing it in the privacy of my own home than hanging it out for all to see." Also, "So we see it come to pass that sins really ARE being shouted from the rooftops. Yikes."

--I filled out an NCAA bracket today. I've never really paid much attention to them (I try to not encourage my tomboy very much), but I can see why they're so exciting / addicting! I've guessed right on all but one so far! Of course, only four games have been played. But this could be fun!... too bad I don't get T.V.

--Why do I love cookies so freakin' much?!

--If my boyfriend was 6'7" and over 200 lbs, I wouldn't punch him in the face, even if I was pregnant and hormonal. I'm just sayin...

--I once found a great card from Hallmark about 'show people'. Today, I dedicate this adaptation to a fallen MK lady (she's not passed on, just resigned):
"I for one, am glad there's no people like Mary Kay people. Mary Kay people freak me out."
Now don't take offence. I use MK. I have a MK lady. She's adorable and I love her. But not all people are cut out for it (contrary to what they'll tell you). But really, that's not such a bad thing.

--And why on earth would you cheat on Sandra Bullock?!

Time for Another Dip...

into the classifieds! We've not been here for so long -- think of all the deals we may have missed. We'd better get a double dose. Let's go look...

Wanted: gumball size football helmets of any type. If you have some you'd like to sell, please contact someone@email.com
They're for my squirrel football league.

10 lb hand weighs (2)
Shaped-like or designed to be held by?

Looking for pool slide or even long playground plastic slide. No legs needed.
Contact: (555) 555-5555
That's the beauty of a slide -- even a snake can use one.

looking for places to rabbit hunt. if you or someone you know has lots of rabbits that are eating your flowers or gardens give me a call I would love to help you out!
Filed in the "creepy" section of the want ads.

Would there be some one out there, surrounding Roch. that got a big house an want to share it,I would be glad to help with the keep up,or whatever worked
I. Am. Job. (Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire)

Children's doll house with mansard roof, 4 rooms, wired $55.00. Queen size bed, headboard, mattress/boxspring non smoker $55.00
Which room does the non-smoker live in?

LOOKING for GE answering machine, new or lightly used. Contact: (555) 555-8197 If I don't answer please send me a Post It with your name, number, time you called, and a brief message.

Knock off purses. A black/white coach purse and multi-colored kate spade purse, neither ever used. Pd$100/piece will take $30/piece
Just because you got taken doesn't mean you can swindle me!

wnted -- boys bicycle with training wheels.
I'm also looking to purchase a vowel.

3 Adjoining cemetery plots at Grandview Memorial Gardens, Good Shepard Garden, $450/ea individual or price negotiable for all 3.
Three's Company??

"Come and knock on our door... We've been waiting for you..." Creepy. And on that note, good night everybody!

Seeing Double

This weekend I had visitors!! I know most of you may not care, but this is blog-worthy for me, because it doesn't happen often.

First was my good old friend Chippy and his wife Stacy. I say old because 1. I've known him for half my life and 2. because he's OLD!! He turned 30 on Saturday, so we went to dinner with them Friday night to celebrate.

Then on Saturday, I had my 'brother from another mother' visit!! Yay! Troy, a boy who lived with my family four years ago, is on holiday here from Australia. He joined us for lunch at Firehouse Pizza. ... "When the moon meets her eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore..." And I thought The Pie had a big pizza! 36 inches of yummy woodfired pizza goodness! (The Pie is still better, just so you know.)








Anyway, afterward we bought some tubes and took him sledding for his first time down Old Main Hill (USU Alum will know what I'm talking about). It was a blast! I'm a chicken after last-year's near death experience, so I only went down once. Good foresight on my part since that one time almost put me in a tree. I am not cut out for this sort of thing!


All the same, it was fun to just watch them! But really weird at the same time... Why, you ask? Because Troy happens to almost exactly like my husband! It's like my adopted brother is Jared's long lost Aussie twin.

Don't you think?

My Truck's Bigger Than Your Truck!

I know. Two blogs in one week! Well, what can I say? My husband is out of town for a musicologist conference, so I'm eating junk and watching rubbish... and blogging, apparently. I'm just jealous he's somewhere that's 30 degrees warmer than where I am.

AND he gets a holiday. I still have to work. However, sometimes it's really fun because I get to run errands. And because they're work errands, I get to drive the... (dun dun dun!) 'company car'. And this is where the fun starts!

I get to drive THIS!!


/Sigh/ Isn't it beautiful?! Don't get me wrong - I'm a total girly girl at times - I love painting my nails, watching chick flicks, and trying on ridiculously expensive jewelry and/or shoes... but when I get behind the wheel of this beauty, the tomboy in me starts raging. All the sudden I find myself driving down the street thinking, "Heh heh, my truck's bigger than your truck," or "I'm taller than you are!" or "What kind of man are you, driving a sissy little thing like that?!

It's great fun!! And you should see the looks I get driving this thing! It's hilarious. The men's necks craning, the boy's jealous longing... both showing confusion as to why a little (ok, that's a stretch, but comparitively) girl like me would be driving a beast like this. Why? Because my boss is cooler than your boss. And so is our company car. So there.

Sorry. There I go again...

Behold, the Power of Cheese

Today I did the same thing I did last Thursday. And Friday. And the same thing I plan to do this Thursday and Friday. ...

I ate cheese.

Actually, I do that every day, but it's different on these days. On these days I wait in line (I can be there before most because I don't have teachers holding me back), and then enter a room. I sit down at my little booth next to a couple strangers, and lift a little metal door. A hand - like The Addam's Family's 'Thing' - pushes a tray of cheese and a glass of water through and closes the little door. Then, it's a feast of cheeses! I comment on how much I like them (or don't like them at times) on a computer in my booth. And then when I'm done, I lift the door again and push my empty tray back through. I leave this little room and a nice girl gives me free ice cream!!

This experience is of course not new if you've ever been to a taste test at the USU Nutrition Building. I consider this one of the best parts of living in Logan. You get to give your opinions (which I've got loads of!) on free food, and then they thank you by giving you free food!! Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant!

My husband says we should save our coupons for free ice cream scoops to buy a 3-gallon "stand" of Aggie Ice Cream once we've got enough of them. Genius! This is why I married him.

Of course, with all good things, there is bad things... You sometimes have to taste test protein drinks (which all taste like soy and powder) or -- heaven forbid -- Reduced Fat Cheese!! That was last week. And it was disgusting. In the words of Wakko Warner, "Boingy, boingy, boingy!..." Talk about a corner on the rubber industry...

But all things considered, you can handle a taste of just about anything. And the lemon custard ice cream (my favorite) makes it ALL worth while!

I'm just gonna say it... Don't hate me!

I know that the following statement is a sure-fire way to lose friends and offend people, but it needs to be said...

I HATE IKEA!

It's true.
Let me `splain... Jared and I got a cute little storage bowl set as a wedding gift. We would've truly appreciated the wedding gift as much as we do the giver, but we happened to get about 5 or 6 storage bowl sets (and we all know that they're all useless for preventing leaks somehow except for Tupperware). So we decided to return the superfluous bowls to IKEA for something incredibly useful, like a cheese slicer! :) I'd never been to IKEA before, but heard all the ravings, so I was pretty excited to explore this giant box of interior design dreams. ... OR NIGHTMARES, as truth would have it.

First of all, we took a number and waited in the Returns section. They finally called our number and guess what -- we can't return them! The bowls were discontinued in the three months we've been married. (This doesn't make me not want them any less, but apparently, the discontinued part is my problem.) "Because they're not in our system anymore, we can't take them back. Sorry! Why don't you regift it?" Alright... fine. Maybe the cheese slicer's inexpensive enough we can get it without store credit. So we step up to the showroom entrance, and ride the escalator. Whee! What fun!

I must confess; I'm not a shopper. Unless my cohort/shopping buddy/other half Jessie is with me, I'm not interesting in browsing the stores with stupid strangers that seem to be walking in molasses or have been suddenly rendered immovable and completely in my way. This is how it was this particular Saturday night. Only at IKEA, there's no escaping!! Once you go up the Escalator of Doom, there's NO WAY OUT!! We found the cheese slicers about 20 mintues later, after wandering down their wonderland roads, past strange little cube 'houses', through shortcuts that led to nowhere, and scads of unrelated stuff stocked next to each other (I'm pretty sure there was a grinning corporate Cheshire cat somewhere, but one can't be sure).

They were 5 bucks. After all that, we passed. Now all we wanted was to get out. There's a map that says the exit is that way... but you have to wander in and out of their maze like a lab rat for another 15 minutes to get there! I was ** THIS CLOSE ** to running out one of the 4 emergency exits we passed! At this point, I was feeling that tightness in my chest that tells one "You're about to have a panic attack. You know why? Because you're trapped in here. You just want to leave, and you can't. There's No. Way. Out." I'd say that's emergency enough! ... But I didn't. Instead, I cut through the shelves, knocked down children and old grannies (Just kidding. We were almost to the end. No grannies could make it this far.), and practically ran past the cash registers with huge lines. There was the door! Fresh air! Freedom! But NO!!!! You can't go out the way you came in. You have to find another door. Well, obviously, I did, because I lived to tell the tale. And the moral of this story is -- buy IKEA on the internet (or not at all). But don't try to return it; it's probably discontinued.

A New Year for the Classifieds...

I'm sorry I haven't posted For-Ev-ER. But I figure if you read blogs as much as I do, you probably haven't noticed.

Anyway, these are some of the latest 'from the classifieds':

INSIDE STORAGE: Will store your car or boat in our newer garage with cement floor. $75 a month.
Ask about a discount for our older garage with asbestos flooring.

WEDDING in your future. Pictures by website.com. Contact: (507) 555-5555 call after 5pm Chris
The amazing psyhic photographer. (Wait, did he just say that Chris needs to call after 5:00 pm? He is really honing his psychic abilities.)

Laserdiscs. About 7 or so movies...great condition. $15 for all
Comes with free forklift to get them to your car.

FOR SALE: 2 cemetary plots with vaults at Grandview Cemetary in Rochester. Will sell for 1970's original cost.
Bellbottoms will be provided at an additional charge.


playskool dollhouse with people,car and furniture nice condtion 25 dollars
Nothing like good, old fashioned human trafficking